My friend is called Sue and she married her childhood sweetheart called John when she was only twenty-two. Sue has explained that at the time she could not have been happier and was very much in love. She hoped and imagined that they would spend the rest of their lives together. Sue had met John when she was at school and they had been dating since the age of fifteen.

After the marriage, they then talked about starting a family and before long they were parents to two boys. Sue believed that this was the icing on the cake and left work to bring up her children.

Unfortunately things were to soon go horribly wrong. John started coming home later and later from work and Sue was at a loss as to what was going on. John of course stated that he was only doing his work and that he was working overtime to give his family a better life, especially as Sue was no longer working. In reality John was having an affair with a woman he had met at work.

After a few months Sue found out about the affair and asked John as to why he had seeked the attention of this other woman. He replied that Sue had been the only woman he had slept with and that he felt that he had missed out on the experience of dating other people. Despite the fact that Sue was willing to forgive John, the relationship was soon to end as he moved in to live with his other woman.

Sue was obviously very upset and could not believe what was happening to her. Before long divorce proceedings were under way and Sue decided to put the family house on the market and returned home to live with her parents, the boys of course went with her.

This was a very depressing time for Sue. One day however she was walking through her local shopping precint and saw a group of handicapped children. Sue thought to herself that the situation she was in was only temporary and that she would eventually be happy again, but that these children would more than likely to be handicapped for life. This strangely enough helped Sue to gain the strength and to think positive about the future.

Sue is now re-married and is once again very happy, she still hates her ex-husband however. Sue has learnt a lot from her experience of getting divorced and tries to think in a much more positive way. She has realised that there are many people in the world in a far worse position than what she is in.

Each year, 1 million Americans divorce. More than 80 percent of divorcing couples cite debt and financial distress as the primary factor in the dissolution of their marriages, according to an American Bar Association survey, and studies find that most families suffer a financial decline following a divorce. By taking steps to protect credit, families can come through in much better shape. Bills.com, a national consumer finance portal, encourages divorcing couples to take the following steps:

1. Accurately assess debts and liabilities. First, see yourself as your creditors do. Online (see http://www.myfico.com ) or by phone, you can request a “tri-merge” credit report (a summary from all three major credit reporting bureaus). Note all of your existing shared and individual liabilities. Settle (or get a judgment) on how you’ll allocate these responsibilities.

2. Plan on how to handle your home. If you own a home, the mortgage is likely your most significant monthly payment. Be certain you understand how you’ll resolve monthly mortgage payments, and how you’ll divide the home’s value and whether one partner buys out the other now, or the home is to be sold after children are grown.

3. Budget for payments. Create a detailed budget, based on your new income level, and use free cash flow to pay off debts. Most people find the most efficient way to pay off debts is to first pay off smaller bills, then continue with under $100, and move on to loans and unsecured debt, such as credit cards, beginning with the account with the highest interest rate.

4. Make sure your ex-spouse is making his or her payments. If possible, make provisions in the divorce agreement for reporting on resolution of significant debt. There are important implications for you personally if your spouse does not meet his/her end of the bargain on liabilities allocated through the divorce proceedings.

Call all creditors for shared accounts (credit cards, gas cards, department store cards, phone cards, etc.). Close the accounts if you are not carrying balances, or remove your name from jointly held accounts. Remember that for jointly held credit cards, and for any other debts incurred during the marriage in community property states, you have shared liability and thereby share any potential negative credit rating impact. This means that if your spouse does not make payments after the divorce, it could come back to haunt you and your credit rating.

If you owe back taxes, be aware that the IRS does not have to honor a decision from a divorce judgment. Consult a tax expert to help with your divorce tax planning.

5. Focus on rehabilitating your credit and financial health. Begin a savings plan. Reinvest any proceeds or equity that come out of the divorce proceeding, and be especially cognizant of building yourself a retirement fund for the future.

If you find yourself in trouble during this stressful time — in which you must make many financial decisions — seek help immediately from a reliable, professional debt resolution firm. Be sure to investigate the company you choose to assist you, and seek out a company that operates for the consumer, which is markedly different from credit counseling, debt consolidation, and debt management firms.

Most of the cases can be solved through a mediator, it might be a private one or someone sent by the court, if the couple is unable to reach a plan in the process of mediation next process that they could enter into is evaluation. Mediation takes place for 90 minutes in court-assigned cases, however, in order to have full discussion this time limit can be extended further. In case of private cases there is not time pressure.

Mediators help collect complete information about each parent and organize this information in a useful way. During mediation all history of both the parents is extremely useful. All aspects including childhood, past divorces, past history, parent’s history, parents’ martial status, siblings, relations with siblings, history of crime, domestic violence, etc. are also taken into consideration. You as a parent must be prepared to show yourself in the best possible light.

Mediators and evaluators look for red flags, which mean that there are certain details like dates etc. which do not match among both the clients. Mediators and evaluators then may challenge the dates and timelines. The more each can see with one another’s perspective, the more constructively proceedings will take place.

In order to be successful in presenting actual parenting plan, mediators and evaluators should try to make their clients understand that they should present themselves to be reasonable, articulate and flexible parents and that they should not in anyway disturb the court in anyway while proceedings are on.

At the time of evaluation, you should conduct a safety check on your clients. You have to inspect their homes and see whether things are generally in place. All the residents of the home should make themselves available for the interview and guests should leave within 10 minutes of arrival of the evaluator. Evaluator can ask for references of people you know, it would be better if you can furnish these immediately.

Plans that are not well thought off might turn out to be red flags, so preparing for evaluation in advance is necessary. There are special considerations offered by courts in cases where there is a history regarding domestic violence, abuse, etc.

Therefore, it is required that solid preparations are carried out for the purpose of mediation and evaluation, these can bring success. The client will not make any mistakes since the level of confidence would be higher. These tips will go a long way in maximizing chances of success in mediation and evaluation.

Child custody Laws are designed with interest of the children as the first priority. Child custody laws are designed to prevent custody going to abusers of drugs or alcohol. Laws are also in place that prevents the children from going to an environment where there is clear mental or physical abuse. Most states prefer joint custody between the parents, where both parents can be a functional part of raising the children. The parents would share both physical and legal custody of the children.

It’s really important to understand these two distinctions in the Child custody laws. Physical custody is where the children are residing. When a child lives a large portion of time with one parent, that parent has what is known as physical custody. Often times during the summer months children leave one parent to live in the house of the other. During those situations physical custody moves from one parent to the other.

Legal custody is the right and responsibility to make important decisions regarding health, education, and well being issues. Often both physical custody and legal custody are with the same parent, unless the parents have joint custody. During those situations the court may decided that where the children reside at the time that that parent can determine what is best for the children at the time. However is would be wise to have a consensus between the parents.

Again, research the child custody laws of your state or province to determine what the best solution is for you during these trying times. Always have the children’s best interest when making these decisions.

If you’ve recently been through a divorce – or are contemplating one – you may want to look closely at issues involving credit. Understanding the different kinds of credit accounts opened during a marriage may help illuminate the potential benefits – and pitfalls – of each.

There are two types of credit accounts: individual and joint. You can permit authorized persons to use the account with either. When you apply for credit – whether a charge card or a mortgage loan – you’ll be asked to select one type.

Individual or Joint Account

Individual Account: Your income, assets, and credit history are considered by the creditor. Whether you are married or single, you alone are responsible for paying off the debt. The account will appear on your credit report, and may appear on the credit report of any “authorized” user. However, if you live in a community property state (Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, or Wisconsin), you and your spouse may be responsible for debts incurred during the marriage, and the individual debts of one spouse may appear on the credit report of the other.

Advantages/Disadvantages: If you’re not employed outside the home, work part-time, or have a low-paying job, it may be difficult to demonstrate a strong financial picture without your spouse’s income. But if you open an account in your name and are responsible, no one can negatively affect your credit record.

Joint Account: Your income, financial assets, and credit history – and your spouse’s – are considerations for a joint account. No matter who handles the household bills, you and your spouse are responsible for seeing that debts are paid. A creditor who reports the credit history of a joint account to credit bureaus must report it in both names (if the account was opened after June 1, 1977).

Advantages/Disadvantages: An application combining the financial resources of two people may present a stronger case to a creditor who is granting a loan or credit card. But because two people applied together for the credit, each is responsible for the debt. This is true even if a divorce decree assigns separate debt obligations to each spouse. Former spouses who run up bills and don’t pay them can hurt their ex-partner’s credit histories on jointly-held accounts.

Account “Users”

If you open an individual account, you may authorize another person to use it. If you name your spouse as the authorized user, a creditor who reports the credit history to a credit bureau must report it in your spouse’s name as well as in your’s (if the account was opened after June 1, 1977). A creditor also may report the credit history in the name of any other authorized user.

Advantages/Disadvantages: User accounts often are opened for convenience. They benefit people who might not qualify for credit on their own, such as students or homemakers. While these people may use the account, you – not they – are contractually liable for paying the debt.

If You Divorce

If you’re considering divorce or separation, pay special attention to the status of your credit accounts. If you maintain joint accounts during this time, it’s important to make regular payments so your credit record won’t suffer. As long as there’s an outstanding balance on a joint account, you and your spouse are responsible for it.

If you divorce, you may want to close joint accounts or accounts in which your former spouse was an authorized user. Or ask the creditor to convert these accounts to individual accounts.

By law, a creditor cannot close a joint account because of a change in marital status, but can do so at the request of either spouse. A creditor, however, does not have to change joint accounts to individual accounts. The creditor can require you to reapply for credit on an individual basis and then, based on your new application, extend or deny you credit. In the case of a mortgage or home equity loan, a lender is likely to require refinancing to remove a spouse from the obligation.

The Appeal Court held that, for an award of joint custody to be granted, there must be some evidence that demonstrates, that despite the parents own strong conflict with each other, the parties can and have cooperated and communicated appropriately with one another. In this case there was evidence to the contrary, there was no expert evidence to help the trial judge determine how a joint custody order would advance the child’s emotional and psychological needs and the child was too young to communicate her own wishes.

Approximately the same time this case was decided, the Ontario Court of Appeal also ruled on the case of Ladisa v. Ladisa, where the appeal court upheld the trial judge’s order of joint custody. In this case the trial judge had the benefit of hearing the evidence of the Children’s Lawyer who presented the children’s wishes and who recommended joint custody. It was held that the trial judge had heard evidence from third parties with respect to cooperation and appropriate communication between the parties. The trial judge also looked at the history of co-parenting during the marriage and that despite their intense conflict, the parties could and had effectively communicated with each other and placed the interests of their children ahead their own, when required.

To summarize, in Ontario joint custody cases, it would appear that the courts will now be looking more closely for evidence from third party and expert witnesses, which can demonstrate that the parties can and have cooperated and communicated appropriately and have been able to put aside their own differences and conflict, for the benefit of the children. The lack of historical cooperation and appropriate communication between the parties will greatly limit the success of a joint custody application. The assumption by some, that the granting of joint custody will improve the parenting skills of the parties, will not be a sufficient reason on itís own to grant joint custody, in the absence of existing good cooperation and communication between the parties.

Relationship demands giving – People give a lot to their marriage; most of them do it except few. Right from the development of relationship, a lot of time, emotional energy and physical resources are given to make it work. During marriage the investment goes higher. Most of the partners want the marriage to work. There are exceptions that unbelievably want to destroy because of psychological problems. When cracks develop in the marriage, lot more effort is made to save the marriage and when the marriage breaks after putting in so much effort, one feels cheated.

Is this true for all? This is not true for all. There are few individuals who don’t give anything in marriage. They ask for it. The demand and contribute nothing. That is the game of selfishness played by them. So these people will never feel cheated. They will only feel bad that they lost an easy victim.

What should you do? The only way out is to forget the losses. Try to erase the past as much as possible. This will be difficult, but break the pain bit by bit. Work on it and it will go away one day. Try to forge another relationship and forget what went wrong. Cut your losses as soon as possible.

There is not one simple outline that provides all of the right answers and information on how to guide your children through the divorce process. When and how to tell your children about the divorce will depend upon your individual family dynamics, the maturity of your children, the ages of your children, the conflict level in your house, and your own individual preferences. If you are unsure of how to present this issue, it is a good idea to obtain professional help to do so. Many counselors are well versed in addressing divorce issues with children and they are available to guide you through this process with your children.

The type of divorce situation presenting itself in your family will have some impact on how and when you present this issue to your children. If you and your spouse are amicable, and your divorce is low stress, your children may not even be aware of the possibility of a break up. While that means that the divorce conflict has not impacted upon the children as of yet, it does not mean that it will not. Your children might be even more affected by the news that you are divorcing if they were unaware that there were problems in your marriage. If you or your spouse has been working with a counselor, either together or separately, that counselor can lay out some simple strategies on how to tell the children. Basic information that you want to discuss with the counselor is whether you tell the children together or separately and what information you can or should give the children about what their living arrangements will be in the future.

It is never acceptable to disclose that you and your spouse are getting a divorce when you are in the middle of a conflict. To place blame on your spouse, or to provide information in a way that conveys blame or fault may make you feel better in the short run. In the long run it will hurt your children, and it will impact your long term relationship with the children’s other parent. Also, courts frown on providing children with adult level information and details about your divorce. Do so and you risk hurting your legal case, if your divorce will be presented to a judge.

Most counselors will support a joint parental communication to the children about the pending divorce. However, a joint discussion about divorce with the children does require that you and your spouse be able to maintain a basic level of civility, if for no other reason than to maintain your children’s peace of mind. If you and your spouse cannot be civil, do not attempt to discuss this issue together with the children.

If your marriage has been rife with conflict, your children may be aware of or even welcoming the relief of a parental separation and/or divorce. Do not be surprised if you find out that your children know more than you thought, even if you have been attempting to conceal the conflict from them.

The issues that your children want to be reassured about involve where they will live, where they will go to school, whether their activities and daily lives will be disrupted, and the degree to which they will be able to maintain their relationship with each parent. Teenagers can be particularly vulnerable and sensitive to disruption in their lives and schedules. If you are able to work out a parenting schedule with your spouse, it is acceptable to share that with the children to reassure them. It also can be acceptable to involve the children in the process of setting a schedule. However, that issue can be very delicate. You do not want children dictating to the adults and you do not want the children to have limited contact with either parent.

Above all else, do not discuss marital fault issues or the reason for the divorce with your children. Even if you think that your spouse is the worse miscreant on the planet, that spouse is your children’s parent. Your children want to and are entitled to love both parents. That a spouse cannot make a marriage work does not dispossess them of the right to be a parent. More important, it does not dispossess the children of the right to love that parent and have a relationship with the parent.

Consider that you may have a range of reactions from your children about the pending divorce. They may not be surprised. Or, they could be upset and shocked. In many cases, even when they are not surprised, the children might be angry or blame themselves. Work with a professional to address all of these emotional reactions. Your children will adjust to your divorce, if you provide the proper guidance and assistance during that process.

When more money goes out than comes in, massive stress takes over, leading to fights. Before long, the husband and wife are disagreeing on who makes more, what should or should not be purchased, who was at fault, and so on. Then to make matters worse, phone calls and collection companies begin to call wanting to know where the mortgage, car, or credit payment are. For the married couple, it soon becomes too much to handle.

If you find that you and your spouse are on the verge of divorce specific to problems with finances, for the sake of the marriage, go visit a finance advisor or credit counseling company to help get things back on track. In this case, counselors would act as the go-between for you and your creditors. In fact, these counselors are professionals who help set up a repayment plan and then work on a budget for the future.

Just because a married couple is having financial problems does not mean divorce is imminent. In fact, using a mediator or counselor can be a huge assistance. The reason is that the blame-game ends so the problem can reach a solution. Start by putting any differences aside and stop blaming each other. Then, create a solid plan for getting out of debt while also saving money.

Most importantly, to avoid divorce, start communicating. Unless you talk, you can never work things out. Keep in mind that good communication does not mean yelling, it means talking as adults. Therefore, take time so the two of you can sit down face-to-face to discuss the current situation, regardless of the problem. If anger is too high, the services of a professional marriage counselor can help. Just remind yourself that it takes time but with dedication and determination, divorce can be avoided.

Credit Card debt after divorce mostly in joint credit cards is generally seen by the creditors as the joint responsibility of the couple. Actually the spouse who didnít incur the amount is not liable to pay, but the credit card company may seek payment from both the parties as they care only about the money due to them. What settlement had been reached after divorce is of little interest to these people.

One may feel that closing out credit card accounts (joint) is a solution to all these problems. If you have a responsible spouse, well this will work. But the fact is that the account does not cancel itself until somebody makes the payment. Also, after divorce, it is legally not practical to divide the debts. Hence these are some practical solution, from best to worst.

- Sell any joint asset (say, home) and pay the debt and close the account. It is a classic example of killing two birds with a stone.

- Separate credit cards can be a better option in such a situation. After applying, get the dues transferred into individual cards, divided according to your own logic or the way you spent.

- In this regard, if one of the spouses is not qualified to get a card, get one of the relatives to cosign the card before transferring the share of balance.

But, rather than being through this ordeal, the best option is to get yourself everything settled before divorce. It is always a pain to go behind all these joint issues when you are about to start a new life. Take Care!